INSIGHTS
JUNE 2012

Dear Friend: 

One of predominant subjects that people ask to talk to me about during our private conversations is the fact that they feel so alone in life. They can’t understand how it is that they are surrounded by people and yet they feel totally disconnected from everyone, unloved, uncared for and they can't get past this feeling even when the people in their lives tell them they love them and care for them.

There are two distinctly different types of people who are experiencing extreme bouts of loneliness in this time: the first type is a giver, and the second is a taker.

The giver evokes a deep sadness in me and is the one whom I describe as “a big old heart” moving through this world, giving everything of themselves to others and feeling so guilty about having their own needs that they will suffer hunger and deprivation and never ask for help. The givers of this world have a deeply ingrained belief that they are “supposed to be strong” and that it is their DUTY to give, and that it’s shameful to be without the energy, the money, the time, or whatever it is that another person might want from them. They feel ashamed of being ill or of being without funds or physical and emotional strength, because they believe that they are supposed to have enough in them to take care of everyone in the world to the point that if they have a need (the givers), they won’t ask for help.

They go through their lives compelled to fill everyone’s needs while assuring other people that they don’t have any needs. They put great effort into making sure that other people receive wonderful gifts at Christmas and that their birthdays are lavishly celebrated that Mother’s and Father's Day are special (even if the person isn’t their mother or father). And if one of their loved ones is ill, they rush to that person’s side and stay with them in their home or in the hospital until they are well, caring for them in every and any way possible; yet never expecting even a thank you or allowing themselves to feel hurt when others forget to say “thank you”.

Givers don’t allow themselves to feel hurt when they don’t receive a card, celebration or phone call on a special day or when their children and loved ones don’t rush to their side when they’re unwell. They just take it for granted. They expect it, because they have told those people that they shouldn’t spend their time or money on them. They say, “You go buy yourself something nice. you go do something with your friends – I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine – don’t worry about me.” They actually reject the offerings of others because they believe that those offerings are not coming from a desire to honor but rather from a place of duty.

But the truth is, they’re not fine – and the truth is it hurts like hell when their phones don’t ring on their birthdays, and they would never expect a gift. They have taught the world that there is no need to respect or value them; and now in this time of accelerated and magnified emotions they can no longer hold back their grief, and tears flow when they least expect it. They feel so alone and so uncared for.

It is natural that mature souls who are also the givers of this world will feel alone. They have felt alone all of their lives. Even when they were children, they never felt like children and they didn’t feel like they fit in with other children. They didn’t know how to play unless they played with much younger children, assuming a teaching or parenting role. They would much rather pull a chair up to the table and talk to and be with the adults. They didn’t feel that they fit in as children, and they don’t feel that they belong any place or fit in as adults unless they are giving to others, that they are able to offer to others, to care for others, or to teach others. However, even when they are offering their lives in service to others, they still feel that although they are in this world to serve others, that no one is in this world to care for them. Once in a while, if they hearken to the urges of their Soul, they will befriend or even allow romantic love with another giver but they’re usually not attracted to other givers because other givers don’t create the spark in them that they feel when they are invested in a taker. That spark – that fulfillment that they feel – is the result of knowing that they are living their Soul’s intent.

We are living in a time of Universal Transition. Universal Transition means endings and new beginnings, it means change. The world is changing, and everything that we are experiencing in the world can and will in many cases change in the flash of an eye. We need to have people in our lives who care for us. The givers of this world are only alone because they refuse to receive from the people who would want to give to them or they have turned away from Spirit and are trying to live their lives without the love and aid that is always available from Spirit….for Spirit is the truest of givers. Spirit offers at all times to all situations regardless of who we are or how we behave.

The second type of person who is feeling a deep sense of loneliness in this time is the taker. They have lived their lives constantly striving to see that their needs were met, always vigilant and seeking to “befriend” people whom we would call givers, for this type of lonely person has been a taker all their lives. The taker has always made sure that they got what they wanted or needed whether or not others were cared for or respected in the situation. They dishonor, they disrespect, they hurt others without remorse, and they take as much as another will give them until the giver finally realizes that they are being used and that the taker has no true caring for them and will turn and walk away from them as soon as they cease to give.

The taker almost always is lining up his or her next caretaker because they know the time will come when the giver is used up and their hearts and purses are empty and they no longer can give. The further we move into this Transition, people are becoming more discerning and less willing to be duped into giving to people who aren’t in true need but have learned to survive by conning people and the taker must have someone to go to next because they don’t want to take care of themselves. The giver is always emotionally shattered when the taker turns their back on them. The taker feels justified and proud and will brag to others that they have cut loose a person from their life who was unwilling to be there for them.

Givers are mature souls and so have developed a high level of intelligence. They almost always know that they are being duped, but they make excuses for those who are conning them. Those whom we call givers truly live in their hearts. They are evolved souls. When I say “evolved souls”, I mean they are souls who have learned to love, and love is Spirit….and true Spirit (meaning true love) can only flow through a heart that is open, and it takes a lot of incarnations in this world to awaken our hearts to the extent that we are capable of being channels through which Spirit may flow into this dimension.

This is the reason that takers aren’t called to accountability is that we make excuses for them and that we clean up their messes. We know they are children. The giver knows that the taker truly doesn’t know how to love and is a child. Children want to play – they don’t want to work. They expect the more mature souls to do the work: to take care of them and to clean up their messes.

Takers very seldom remember to honor others and as soon as their need is met, the taker disappears. The taker complains that they are without friends and without support if they want something from you. When they are trying to woo you into a relationship, they seek your admiration. They will brag to you about how many friends they have and how many people love them. They love to name-drop to gain your admiration by letting you know that they know a person who holds respect or prestige in your community or in the world. They will brag to you that they have earned large amounts of money and then two days later, they will tell you that they are broke and ask to borrow money to buy groceries for their children, or to pay their mortgage (which they have no intention of repaying - we eventually learn to not believe their promises).

If the taker wants to be close to you, you have something they want – time, money, prestige, etc. If you don’t have something they want, and you invite them to spend time with you, they will tell you that they are just too busy.

Most of the time takers feel alone and unloved because even though others pour immense amounts of love into them, they can’t feel it and they don’t value it. They only value the “things” that people give them, and they totally dishonor and devalue the love that inspired the gift. They don’t recognize it as love. They just feel proud that they have conned someone into giving them something. They only feel cared for when they are receiving some “thing” from another person, and the excitement and feeling of what they may call “love” only lasts for a short time; and they rapidly go back to feeling empty and alone and seeking someone to love them and take care of them. It’s hard to get someone to continue to love you and take care of you when you are dishonest with them, when you treat them with disrespect, and when you dishonor them by lying, cheating, stealing from them….gossiping about and slandering them….by befriending others who would wish to do you harm.

Young souls do not know what love is, and so yes, they are takers, please remember there’s no shame in being young. The taker is as they are because they haven’t yet learned to love or care. They are Spiritual children who need to be cared for. However, it is the task of each of us to constantly strive to improve the quality of our beings, and so even though takers are children and feel compelled to acts of dishonesty, we must call them to accountability, refusing to give them a loan (for example) unless they’ve repaid the last loan. By calling them to accountability, we help them to become honorable….to live in integrity…. to seek to open their hearts and beings to a relationship/connection with Spirit. As the bible says, “As ye sow, so shall you reap.” We need to teach them that every time we honor or dishonor another, we literally plant a seed that will grow into something. It may not become the plant that we expected it to be and it may not grow in the place that we thought it would grow. However, it will grow, and the seeds we plant through either honoring or dishonoring other people become our life….become the respect and caring that we receive, or the disrespect and lack of caring that we receive.

That’s not to say that the consequences of caring or lack of caring is necessarily going to come from the person whom we’ve honored or dishonored, but it does return to us ten times over according to our actions and attitudes toward other people. You never know what can blossom from a kind word, a smile, a simple favor done.

I remember meeting a young woman on a plane bound for New York who was terrified of flying, so since I had time, I helped her find her next flight….walked her to where she needed to go – helped her and sat with her.

Then, sometime later when it came time to publish my first book, I got the name of one of the best agents in the business – I was brazen enough to put my manuscript in the mail to him with a letter saying “Please submit this manuscript to Crown Publishers, as they will accept it.” (I had dreamt I was wearing a crown the night that I finished the book, and I awakened knowing that Crown Publishers would publish my book, which in fact they did.)

The most amazing thing is after I put my manuscript in the mail, I called the agent’s office. The phone rang a long time. I was almost ready to hang up when a sweet young voice answered the phone. I told her I had sent my manuscript, and she said, “Oh, I’m so sorry, our agency doesn’t accept unsolicited manuscripts”. I replied, “Well, my name is Dixie Yeterian - you’ll be receiving it tomorrow. I hope you can convince Mr. Abend to accept it.” And she said, “Dixie Yeterian? Oh my gosh – we met on the plane to New York!” She continued by saying, “Dixie, this is so weird. This isn’t even my phone. The girl who sits at this desk is gone for the day. The phone kept ringing so I just answered it, which is something I never do.” Then she said, “Yes, I will take your manuscript and read it and will write a recommendation and give it to Mr. Abend to read.” I received a call from Mr. Abend, and he told me he had immediately taken my book to Crown Publishers (although he was certain I was crazy, since Crown didn’t publish that type of book). But within half an hour, they had accepted it!!!

This all happened because I planted a seed of kindness with a young woman who “happened”, in accordance with divine Intervention, to be there when I needed help. This event is one of my favorite experiences of Spirit Manifest in this dimension. It’s a perfect example of divine law: “As ye sow, so shall ye reap.” This is one of the occasions in my life in which the person to whom I had taken the time to comfort was also the one who gave back to me.

I love this experience because it also is clear evidence that there are no “accidents” in this world. All things are in purpose. The young woman was guided to be in that place and compelled to answer that phone by the will of Spirit in response to my having given to her as she (a young, frightened girl) went to find her place in the city of New York.

The Universal Transition that we are experiencing is a time of testing of souls. It is a time in which we all are being challenged. And all that we are, all that we feel, and all that we know and believe is being magnified and challenged in this time. Even the truths that we believe are being challenged so that we can come to know with certainty whether or not they are, in fact, truths.

The energy of this time calls us to inspect and evaluate the deepest parts of our beings. I’m urging you to practice discernment and don’t let yourself be conned by someone who wants to go gamble their money and then ask you to pay their bills, but be available to recognize real need and offer to it: to help the teenager whose parents have abandoned them so that they’re living on the streets…to help the woman to escape from the husband who has been beating her, etc. There are so many ways that Spirit will call you to truly be of service. Giving to people who are just conning you never feels fulfilling, and it usually ends with heartbreak.

I am urging you to please open your eyes and your heart as Spirit urges you to those givers who are sent to you. You most often push them away or turn your back on them because they don’t inspire in you that rush of adrenaline, that feeling of excitement you experience when you meet a taker and feel needed and then spend years and years and years striving to be loved by a person who doesn’t know how to love….who in fact will tell you that you have given them nothing, or that what you have given them had no value. They often accuse you of giving to them in order to try to “buy” their affection. You’ve been going to an empty well for water and feeling that you are unworthy of love because the person you are asking to love you is truly incapable of loving. Their inability to love does not say a single thing about your worth, your lovability.

In this time of Universal Transition, the world is spinning faster and faster and turning upside down so that social mores and beliefs that guided us for at least the last thousand years have shifted within the past two generations so that until the 1960’s, it was true of every country of the world that children were expected to honor their parents and treat them with respect….that a man did not swear in the presence of a woman….that a man could give his word and his self-respect compelled him to honor it….that a handshake was a bond of trust. But the moment we went into this Transition, those rules disappeared throughout the United States and much of Europe, and those same changes are rapidly becoming evident in countries throughout the world so that now children not only disobey their parents, but will often physically or verbally attack them.

I’m speaking of this only because it is the most blatant evidence of the breakdown of the social order that is the result of the chaos that comes from the speed-up of energy that is the Shift that is taking place in the world and creating World Transition….taking us from one state of being into another. The good news is that within the next generation, as we move forward, all that has been out of balance will begin to come back into balance, and all that has caused discord and separation will bring us together in mutual respect and harmony. This is a difficult time that we’re experiencing. I’m hoping that my explanation of the intent of the events of these times can offer some ease to you….that it may help to understand it.

Everything that’s been happening continues to happen. The world gets crazier, and we are called upon to become more sane. The most important advice that I can give to you is to strive to live in integrity and remember to live each and every day in conscious partnership with Spirit, because any time we lose the realization or the connection of Spirit in our life, it is like letting go of a life preserver in the middle of a stormy sea. We must hold on tight to Spirit and seek to see the beauty and offer value to all that is in our lives and offering to us…..to not allow ourselves to be duped, but to strive in all cases – when we see a true need – to offer ourselves to care for that need.

Promise yourself that you will receive true love if it’s offered, and that you will give of yourself and of your possessions only when there is a true need. In other words, practice discernment. If you are uncertain of your perceptions, just ask Spirit to direct you…..you can always trust that you’re moving in the right direction as you…..

Stay Focused on the Light....          

Dixie Yeterian