I Can Say Who I’ve Been

Written By Sean Yeterian

I can say who I’ve been, yet who I intend to be might not meet your rules of logic and observation.  The lines of life are never truly straight.....so I’ll begin with who I’ve been. 

A Soldier.  A son of an engineer and a psychic.  A poet, a leader, a husband, and a friend to far fewer than I had hoped.  I’ve experienced success and learned little - I’ve experienced failure and learned much.  If you stay with me awhile, I’ll serve my heart on a platter so that you might find some joy in its dissection.

My mom loves to tell the story of me as a child, a late “talker” at three years.  When I did decide to make my voice heard, it apparently wasn’t with the typical strings of simple sentences that most children would apply to their newfound talents.  As Mom likes to tell folks, "He would follow me around the house delivering a sermon of ‘hellfire and brimstone’ with a preacher’s inflective passion.”  Though I have no memory of this, it would explain much of my speaking technique as I grew into a leader of Soldiers.  I have even been told by colleagues that I “sound like a reverend” when I speak.

Moving through my youth and into my early adulthood, I have none of the sorts of experiences that might have foretold my destiny.  I was wild and rebellious.  I was not a positive role model for any child of any era to look at and say “I want to be like him.”  I drank too much, broke hearts, and drove my cars faster than the law allowed.  But I survived.  Through my “survival” I would eventually be able to bring the lessons of those reckless days to better council others with a like-minded attitude and behavior.  Yes, I’m saying that my weaknesses became my greatest strengths.

As a teen I loved sports and cruising up and down “Ocean Avenue” in Lompoc, California in my MG Midget.  Nothing was greater at the time than to advertise my availability to any cutie that might look my way.  But most were more interested in my car than in me.  Though my youth provided much to carry forward, the wealth of knowledge I had earned over those years would not become clear until I had reached the half century mark of living.  As they say, the greatest vision of our life is often behind us.

Shorty before my 19th birthday, I joined the Army.  I had the privilege to serve this country that I love for the better part of three decades.  Riding this incredible roller coaster of a career, I was blessed with much success and honored by attaining the highest enlisted rank the Army could offer – Sergeant Major.  Those years were my finest hours.  My time in service will forever be the mold of the person that my Soldiers called “The Yeti” – a nickname in which I've learned to take great pride.

Since retiring from the Army I’ve found that I still have much more to learn about the human condition.  As a civilian I have made far more mistakes than I ever made as a Soldier.  I had believed that honesty was a trait that people were starved for and needed.  In the Field Artillery this was the “truth”.  But in the civilian world… well, let’s just say that I was wrong on that point, and my honesty hasn't always been met with approval.  But I have no desire to change that aspect of myself.  Therefore it's a cross that I bear while looking for a better way to express myself.  I haven’t yet found that way. 

I am immersed in a journey of self education in the arts of Philosophy and the Sciences, such as Quantum Mechanics, Chaos Theory, Self Organizing Systems, and Synchronicity.  Other disciplines have emerged in my studies such as small world networks and cosmology. 

But the most amazing thing that has happened is that my imagination has not only been ignited by my studies of the correlation between Spirituality and Science, it has become an out-of-control blaze.  I want, no – I NEED – more information.  I yearn to be able to discuss universal topics from an informed position rather than an idealistic position that is absent of provable knowledge.  I want to try and glimpse God through the eyes of a physicist, a biologist, a cosmologist, and yes, even a mathematician.  I want to understand what the evidence is trying to tell us, and then let my philosophies naturally form as the result of absorbing those truths.  I want to chip away at the illusion with the hope of discovering the illusive.  In a nutshell – I want to redefine my awareness with as much integrity as is possible.  

As my mother’s son I’ve not been the best of students.  She in her way, and I in mine, have sought our truths on different paths.  Yet as time has washed away obscuring sands from the calligraphy of our trek, it becomes more apparent that our stories intertwine.  The wide berth our journeys took from one another did little to remove us from our destinations. 

These days it seems we chant a single mantra - reinforcing and restating a message that we share.  Like songs of harmony the voices charge their energies from different chambers yet entangle as if guided by a spirit’s sheet of music filled with notes that instruct a tender call.  The echoes leave a warming hum and resonate as one. 

No, there is nothing that I can offer in this brief introduction that will give me legitimacy to the pen and ink I plan to use:  no certificates, no degrees of study in the fields that have found my passion, and no background that will satisfy the need for tangible qualifications.  It is only in the expression of my written words, reflections of my being, that you might find my substance and philosophies appealing.

For some the lights of interest might already be turned off.  For me the light that seeks awareness remains forever on.  I hope that you will join me as I search these endless halls for new knowledge – and that we might together find the depth and breadth of a soulful calling.  Perhaps as well we’ll find each other along the way.